Y B Normal…

If I were normal, I’d probably start this blog by commenting on how unusual this Screen Shot 2018-01-29 at 11.34.28 AMweekend was, but it wasn’t. Perhaps if I was a normal person with a normal job having a normal husband in a normal house with a normal car, that would be the case. The plus would be, of course, having a normal dog–or any dog for that matter. But that, unfortunately, is not at all who I am. I’ll give you the run-down of a single mom’s weekend — without a dog.

In my past, I was a professional driver. No, not a race car driver, that was my wonderful maternal Papa Tiny. He drove stock cars. I drove trucks. Because of this, I’ve always been inspired to spread my knowledge to my kids so they can also drive well. Besides, there are some things on the driver’s test that aren’t covered, such as when a longer vehicle is trying to pass, it’s good manners to flicker your lights at them when it’s safe for them to pull in front of you. Or, at a four-way stop at night, when two cars arrive at the stop sign at the same time, flickering your lights is a great way of allowing them to go first.

Anyway, at the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV), you’re allowed to take the test 3 times on one payment. If you fail to pass the third time, you must pay again. Not to brag, but back in the day, I not only passed but only missed one question. Granted, that was back when cars were powered with our legs — No, that was the Flintstones. Anyway, Screen Shot 2018-01-29 at 11.31.08 AMit was a while ago. Cameron, having heard me go on for years about how to check lanes before changing, etc. decided he knew everything he needed to know to pass with flying colors. Boy, was he wrong. Of course, “the questions intentionally tricked” him.

I explained that if the case were that the DMV was tricking everyone so they wouldn’t pass, everyone in the room would be pissed. I asked him if he wanted my assistance in studying. He declined and stated that now that he knew the tricky questions, he was ready to try again. Apparently, the sneaky DMV wasn’t finished with their shenanigans because they duped him again. I informed him that should he fail a third time, he would be required to pay for his own testing, and again, asked if he wanted my assistance. With a weary heart, he conceded. I went to the DMV website and discovered they actually have preparatory questions, so there’s no legitimate reason one can’t pass. He spent the weekend studying for the test and will continue today when he gets home from school.

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Now here’s the real reason Cameron wants to pass the driving test; he had his 16th birthday yesterday. And remember the last post? His father gave him a car! Here’s the other deciding factor — Trinity. (I’m not going to go into how that was nearly Cameron’s name due to my deep infatuation with Terrence Hill’s blue eyes in his movies.) But I graciously allowed Cameron his first date before his 16th birthday when he met a petite Trinity at Farr’s ice cream. She returned last night, on his birthday, and delivered another ice cream. (Clearly, we realize what to get her for her birthday, right?)

While they visited outside her car, the cold air got the best of them. Cameron asked if they could sit in her car, and she stammered a bit trying to find the words to tell him her gay friend was hiding in the rear seat. She wanted to spend time with Cameron but was afraid to come alone. Her friend curled in the back seat for half an hour. Isn’t that the sweetest thing?

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Nikki? She’s having cleanliness issues that are driving me buggy! (Pun intended.) I finally broke and said in my exasperated voice, “No electronics! No television, cell phone, or computer until you have had a shower — the end.” The best call I’ve ever made. Sure, she didn’t shower until I forcibly pushed her in the shower and did the job myself, but she read over 300 pages of A Dog’s Purpose, by W. Bruce Cameron. Of course, now she won’t shut up about the plot. So, I’ll need to purchase another book to get her mind flowing in a new direction I suppose. Wish I could just get her a dog.

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Meanwhile, I found a contest from Disney’s film A Wrinkle in Time and have been working on putting together a 2 min. blurbish commercial about my thoughts on “individuality vs. conformity,” and why I feel I’m a warrior. The winner of the contest receives one of those new Leaf cars, a new HP system for filmmaking, a trip to Hollywood for the world premiere of the film, and…. you ready for this? $100,000 toward their own film, or Vermill!on Beach if I’m the winner. Wish me luck, or enter yourself!

Oh, and P.S. Cameron spent half of his birthday filming this for me. I couldn’t have asked for better kids if I could have handpicked them. Do I wanna be normal? Naw!

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